When Will Gay Marriage Become Old?

Written by the Rev. Quentin Chin

What a difference time makes. While we think of 2008 as the year this nation elected an African-American as President of the United States, it was also the year when marriage equality, also known as gay marriage, was fervently contested. California’s Supreme Court ruled that the state could not bar gay marriage only to have it overturned by the Proposition 8 ballot question on Election Day.

Since then, we’ve seen Iowa’s highest court affirm marriage equality and New York State passed legislation to make it legal. Polls show that more people in America today favor marriage equality with those who oppose gay marriage in the minority. It appears that marriage equality will not have much traction in next year’s election.

Although we’ve seen more widespread acceptance of it in the last couple of years, the United Church of Christ affirmed it several years ago at its General Synod in 2005. That Synod remains a vivid memory for me. As a delegate to that Synod, I voted to affirm marriage equality.

General Synod is the UCC’s bi-annual meeting, during which we do the denomination’s business, making organizational decisions and taking stands on a wide range of issues, usually justice-related. They come before us as resolutions. As delegates, we know the resolutions before we arrive in the host city. Thus, I knew that we would have to vote on marriage equality, also known as gay marriage. I knew when I left that I would vote affirmatively for it.

I initially became aware of marriage equality in 1993 when Hawaii’s Supreme Court ruled that the state could not ban issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Up until then I had not considered that two people of the same gender could marry. I could not accept a same-gender union because it just seemed too radical – marriage was for a man and a woman.

However, as I began to think more deeply about marriage, it became clear to me that marriage was not about a man and a woman committing their lives together because they love each other. Rather, it was two people who love each other so much that they will commit their lives to each other. Marriage’s foundation is love regardless of each person’s gender.

At Synod rumors fly all over the place. Although the United Church of Christ is probably the most progressive mainline denomination, we are not unified in our thinking. We have theologically conservative congregations and associations, which is a good thing because the inherent tension between conservatives and progressives will sometimes create an alternative that neither side would have crafted on its own. The word on the floor was that some congregations and one conference would pull out of the denomination if marriage equality passed.

When the resolution on marriage equality came to a vote, people rose to speak in favor and in opposition. Both sides expressed their views with heartfelt passion. Clearly, this vote would hurt people on both sides. While we heard the pain from LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered) people who could not have their love publicly acknowledged through marriage, we also heard the sorrow from those who felt that affirming marriage equality would rob them of the church they have loved.

As the deliberations proceeded through the morning, tensions rose on the floor. Yet, we did not lower ourselves to personal insults or attacks. Nevertheless, as we heard each voice for and against, we knew each of us would have to take a stand. The question was called. We were ready to vote. We were admonished not to applaud, cheer, or make any overt demonstration regardless of the vote’s outcome. A point of order was raised requesting that we precede the vote with prayer. A hush fell across the floor; a thousand people prayed. I prayed for both sides, and I prayed for me; asking if marriage equality was significant enough to depart from almost two thousand years of church tradition. Was this issue worth dividing this denomination? I felt the profound weight of responsibility.

When the vote was called, I voted yes along with an overwhelming majority of delegates. No cheers, but lots of tears. Joyful tears for our LGBT sisters and brothers. Sorrowful tears for those who lost their church. I shed them both.